The Beginning

Adam got a job managing a store in a small town where we later found that housing was cheap. After looking around for some time and deciding if we could afford it, we decided to buy a fixer-upper. I had no idea at the time how long this little project would take?.. it?s still not finished. But I am told, that when it is finished, it will be really nice! 

It’s a small house out in the country on an acre and a half of land. We have a creek that runs through our back yard and the view can be very beautiful especially in the spring. But right now, it’s not very pretty as we found out the winters here are horrible! Snow just keeps dumping on us!

Dylan was a little over a year when we moved here and has enjoyed the backyard to play in over the past few years.

Our little family life was going well. It wasn’t perfect, but we knew what we wanted. We had a happy, healthy child and I was able to stay at home with him and raise him while my husband worked. And worked.

We came to a point where there was a time we fought a lot. I think a lot of marriages have the same problems. We fought about money and the house not being done. We started to grow apart a little.

At the beginning of our relationship we always joked that when we were mad at each other, the best way to handle it is to go to bed mad. I know, you’re not supposed to go to bed mad, but we thought it’s best to be mad and let it blow over by morning because if we sat and talked it over, things would just explode and it wasn’t worth arguing over it in the first place, so we just agree to disagree and go to bed, wake up and forget about it.

But, we lost that along the way somehow. Eventually as things were pretty tense between us, we found our way back. We talked about where we were in life and what our goals were. One was to have another child. At the time, Adam’s sister just met someone and was getting married and had asked us to wait a little so she could start her family. I don’t know if it was a serious request, but we decided to wait a little while.

Here is a family photo of us at her wedding:

Oh, and a cute one of Dylan on the dancefloor:

Not to long after my sister-in-law got married, Adam’s grandmother got very sick and we were told to get to FL right away because she was signing a DNR and this was it.

Adam, Dylan and I jumped in the car and drove to FL right away. When we got to the hospital she was no longer conscious and was being moved to hospice where she would pass.

We were told that people in this state can still hear things going on around them and are still able to think. It was a very sad time. It was very hard to watch someone pass away.

I felt is was important to let Dylan in her room. He was too young to know what was happening and I thought it would be good for her to hear him as well and we would sit in her room and talk casually about things. Adams grandfather Bob told me a lot about her and their life together and their travels as we sat at her bedside.

He played Sinatra for her as well, which I will always remember his expression because he loved her so much and he at that moment broke down knowing that he would lose her.

I did not know her long, but she was such a great woman. She was Dylan’s ?Nana? and I remembered Dylan reaching out to her to give her a little peck on the cheek and how she would giggle at him. She always told me I was pretty, even at times when I felt run down, and looked terrible. It’s like she knew I needed to hear it from someone.

We have had losses in our lives before, but you never get used to it. It teaches you the most important lesson in life- ?live, just live your life.?

I can almost hear her giggle in this picture:

As soon as we heard my sister-in-law was pregnant, it was game on! Time to expand our family! We decided to get away first, so we had my sister watch Dylan for a few days while we went to St. Thomas.

It was gorgeous and nice to get away. We didn’t have a lot of money to go away with, but we never needed money to have a good time.

Here we are:

The trip was actually free (one of those time share things). Adam is like a bloodhound when it comes to good deals and free stuff!

Since we didn’t have much to spend, we took a truck to the local market to buy some food. Yes, I said truck. It was a local thing like a taxi, but what it was is you wait at the side of the road for one of these trucks to come by and wave your arms, jump up and down and yell ?STOP!? It looked like a safari truck, it was a pick up truck with bars and seats on the back where you would jump on and give the driver a buck. It was fun and interesting to say the least. We got to see ALL of St. Thomas!

A few months later we had another trip scheduled to go to Disney with Dylan. We had tons of fun there with him and decided we wanted to do this every year. It’s such a great family vacation and really inexpensive. We enjoyed the time we had as a family there.

And Dylan LOVED it! He had mom and Dad all to himself! He was almost 3 a this point.

This is me and Dylan on a safari ride in Animal Kingdom.

And when we returned from our Disney vacation, we found out we were pregnant!

We decided to go to the same high risk clinic we used for Dylan. We not only had to monitor for the past issues I have had, but also the MCAD disorder. I tried pretty hard not to gain a ton of weight with this pregnancy, but I did anyway.

We found out we were having another boy and decided to name him Evan. Dylan liked to tell people that his baby brother Evan was in my belly.

This is baby Evan:

Most of my pregnancy is a blur? you will find out why later on.

Evan was due the beginning of June.

I believe it was in April that I was so big and so uncomfortable and I was having slight contractions and went to my doctor who said that I should refrain from doing much at all. So, the sofa and movies on demand became my best friend.

In early May I was having contractions, so we went to the hospital where they told me I was dehydrated and put me on a saline drip. Later that night they sent me home. The hospital (Crouse hospital where Anthony passed away and where Dylan was born) was about an hour away, so I was scared with every little contraction because I wanted to make sure we had enough time to get there.

I had made a list of things I needed to pack for myself and Dylan. He was going to stay with my sister while I was in the hospital so I wanted to make sure he had his favorite blanket, pillow and his stuffed animals he slept with.

I was supposed to do what they call a ?short stay? where I would be admitted, give birth and go home the next day. So, Dylan would only have to stay a day or two at my sister’s house.

A couple of weeks later, I started having contractions again, so we went back to the hospital and they told me to go walk around the local mall until my contractions got stronger. We went to the mall and bought Dylan some new clothes and Adam bought a few polos.

We went back to the hospital when my contractions seemed stronger and closer together.

I was admitted to the maternity ward on Sunday May 20th at about 7pm. My sister Jenny picked Dylan up and Adam slept in the room with me through the night. The next morning things were going slowly so the doctors administered pitocin at around 10am. We decided ahead of time that I would have an epidural so once things were beginning to move along they administered it. That afternoon Jenny brought Dylan by for a visit. He kept trying to get on the bed and the nurse said it was ok, so he came up on the bed with me and eventually fell asleep as it had been a long day. My parents had been on a trip to Virginia and just gotten back to town. They stopped at the hospital to see me and check on the progress. When it looked like it was going to be a while they kissed me and left to await the call to return. At about the same time Jenny and Dylan left as well. Adam helped my sister get Dylan to the car.

After they all left, Adam wanted a drink as he re-entered the building. He told me he took a step toward the vending machine but then decided he better check on me first. As he was walking back to the room, he noticed the nurse?s light on over my door. He came back in and I told him I was having trouble breathing. He went out to get the nurse and when they got back to the room, my eyes had rolled back in my head and I wasn’t breathing. The nurse called the code immediately.

Within seconds I had a team of doctors, nurses and support staff in my room. Compressions were started immediately. Adam stood in the corner shaking and watched.

Dr. Semeran or Dr. Rick as he likes to be called yelled for a knife to do an emergency cesarean. He said he only had 4 minutes to get the baby out. He cut quickly as Dr. Thompson assisted. Keep in mind all of this was going on while I was receiving CPR to keep the blood flowing through my body.

Adam called my parents and told them to get back to the hospital immediately and not to call my sister. Just to let her take Dylan straight to her house.

My parents had only left a short while ago so they were only around the corner from the hospital. By the time they made it to the delivery room, they saw Evan being rolled out. As they came up to my room, a nurse told them ?we are doing everything we can.? My mothers heart must have sank as she heard that and responded ?what do you mean?.??

I began to bleed out. Adam said he recalled a look on there faces after about 30 minutes of compressions. He heard someone say something about blood coming back up the tube and could see them shaking there heads. All of a sudden my heart started to beat again. A few minutes later they were able move me to the ICU.

Over the course of this whole ordeal I believe I received over two dozen units of blood and a half dozen of platelets. After nearly seven hours of twenty something people in the room working on me simultaneously they induced a coma.

I was sedated for about a week. Everyday they would give a prognosis to my family, which was not good. They told them that I had suffered an ?amniotic fluid embolism? and I went into cardiac arrest.

After performing CPR on Evan due to the extreme circumstances of his birth they brought him to the NICU for some oxygen and a little TLC.

The first night, the doctors said I may not make it as mothers with this condition usually don’t. But I did make it through the night, so the prognosis was getting better.

They would wake me up everyday from the coma to see where I was functioning.

I was very swollen from all the fluids. They told my family that I may have sever brain damage and if I recovered, I may not walk or talk.

After they removed the tubes and I was awake, they moved me out of the ICU. I was now having major memory problems. I would look away for a few seconds and turn back and completely forgot everything. Adam says he would tell me what happened everyday and he would tell me the same way.

My first memory of the event is Adam walking into the room with a cup of water and he said ?hi? and I said ?hi? back. He said? do you know what happened?? I shook my head no. He then asked, ? do you remember the movie 50 First Dates with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler?? I thought for a moment and said ?yes.? This is how he explained my memory to me every day.

After a week in the ICU Adam picked up a bug and the nurse insisted he go home and get some rest. It was decided my mother would stay with me. But the nurses convinced her that I would be okay and she could leave. It just so happened that my first night alone I had a bad reaction the pain medication, was hallucinating and I thought I was in Africa at a clinic. I didn’t recognize anyone around me??. and I yelled at them to bring me to the American Embassy!

They called Adam at 7am and told him to get there ASAP. Poor Adam? leaves me for one night and this happens! Just minutes before he got back my parents showed up and they were able to get me calmed down.

My trip to Africa may have been because of one of my exotic animal looking hospital bands:

Everyone was not sure if I would remember Dylan so they decided not to have him visit right away.

They kept Evan in the NICU for a few days and then once I was out of the ICU they moved him to the same floor as me but in the nursery. They kept him in the hospital with me so they could bring him to see me. They would usually just lay him next to me.

Here is one of the first times they brought him to me and I was awake enough to hold him, even though I wasn’t ?All there? yet and have no memory of this:

I was receiving speech, cognitive and physical therapy in the hospital and I started showing major improvements with everything, including my memory. Although I couldn’t remember the past year.

Once I was well enough, Dylan came to see me. I remember this clearly. I was sitting in a chair by my hospital bed. My mom, dad, and Adam were in the room with me. Dylan came running in my room (my sister walked in behind him) and he had on a bright green shirt with a turtle on it. He ran up on my lap and cuddled up with me. I remember holding him thinking how much bigger he was than I remembered. This was because I was missing the last year of my memory. Regardless, I was happy to see him and he was definitely happy to see me!

I asked him ?where did you get that cool shirt?? He said ?you.? I said ?no, I didn’t buy it? and then I saw Adam shake his head yes. Dylan laughed because he thought I was just being funny.

A couple days later, Adam brought me my cell phone. I had a small business where I worked for customers privately by sourcing their clothing productions. One new customer had just made a large down payment before I had gone into the hospital and hadn’t heard from me since. She had a lawyer friend call me and check up on the order status and was quite worried she couldn’t find me. Adam didn’t want to worry me with this but knew nothing of this order and had no choice with an attorney calling the house. He handed me my cell phone and said? I shouldn’t be doing this? and explained the situation to me. He suggested that I go into my cell phone and log into my email and read my past conversations to see if it would jog my memory. It did!

I remembered the business and the customer and called her right away to explain. She was relieved to hear from me and asked me to call when I was feeling better. So, now I was up and about and making business calls from my hospital bed.

I would beg doctors to release me and they kept wanting me to stay. Once they finally realized I was going to be okay they thought that I should go into a rehab for therapy. I refused and said I can do outpatient?.. I just wanted to go home.

My mother in law, Carole was with us from the start. She flew in from Florida the morning after it happened. Adam would go home in the morning for a few hours of sleep and Carole would come stay with me after my parents left. The family kind of had a schedule worked out.

She stayed for 3 weeks after I was released to help take care of the baby and let me get some much needed rest!

Once she left, I was a little depressed because I was home allot with Dylan and the new baby and Adam had returned to work. He wanted to stay home longer but his boss was giving him a hard time.

Once things started to settle down I felt the need to busy myself with a hobby. I started sewing again. My mother taught me when I was younger. I started sewing baby things for Evan. I had some experience designing and producing clothing, so I had a lot of creative ideas come to me during this time.

I had helped many small start up clothing lines produce their clothing in the past. Before Evan was born, I was starting to design my own baby clothing line which was to be named ?Buddha Baby.? But, after I returned home and started designing things again, I changed the name to Bubele because I had the word stuck in my head and found out that it meant sweet baby. I didn’t know why I had the name stuck in my head I would just think of it whenever I looked at Evan. When I explained this to my sister in law she had realized that this was the name my mother in law was calling me while I was in my coma??..

Or should I say the possibility of a new reality?

Adam watched the whole event in the hospital. From the moment I said I couldn’t?  breathe, the moment the nurse called the code, when the room flooded with doctors, to them pumping me with blood and giving me compressions while cutting me open to get Evan out. He refused to leave which means he saw the whole thing.

He is able to play the whole thing in his head like a movie and it is very real for him. I had him explain to me in detail what had happened so I have a really clear idea of what happened. I had a big chunk of memory missing and damn it, it was frustrating!

I realized that I was so close to being taken out of this world. I was being taken out of Dylan’s world. We were so close and he almost didn’t have his mommy. I told him I would always come back, and I almost didn’t?..

Adam thought of planning a funeral and if he should take Dylan to it. I imagine my then 3 year old asking questions about mommy coming back.

It would have been hard for Evan without never meeting me, but I think it would have been harder for Dylan with the attachment we had created over the years. I don’t cry over the fact I almost died, I cry because Dylan would have been affected the most.

It is impossible to explain the feelings you have for your children??

I don’t think this is really possible. I think to get back to ?normal? I would have to have this whole situation erased from our memories.

But we picked up the pieces somehow. Dylan went back to preschool, Adam switched jobs to attempt to be home more, I stayed home with Evan and continued to work with my clients. Luckily working forced me to use my brain and soon became my way of cognitive therapy for myself.

I was getting very physically tired though. I experience chronic fatigue so I had more tests done and ultimately I believe it was just my brain trying to get some rest. They say that after a brain injury the best medicine is sleep.

After a few months we began to notice a flat spot on Evan’s head so I went into pediatricians office to have it looked at and everyone kept telling me it was normal. I would call often to say that the flat spot is still there, they would reassure me that I should just keep him off that side and it would be fine. I rolled towels to try and prop him off that side, but he would just roll over it. Nothing seemed to be working. finally, we decided to tell the doctor to just make a recommendation for a specialist. Once the specialist reviewed she said that most likely it will go back to normal but he was getting to that age where nothing will help much. We had asked her to make a recommendation to get fitted for a cranial band. We didn’t want to take the chance of him growing up with a flat spot! A cranial band looks like a helmet and most people are reluctant to fo this because it looks very medical. We went into the procedure knowing that it had to be done.

Once he was fitted for the band, the specialist really saw how flat the spot actually was. It was difficult to see under the curly blonde locks of hair! We think the flat spot started when he was in the hospital hanging out waiting for me to get better. The burses paid a lot of attention to him, but if a baby is in there long enough, he could develop a flat spot because they are not held as much and are always on their backs.

So, now Evan has his hat. He is stared at all the time when we go out. I expected this but its difficult. We tried putting stickers on it to make it less medical but nothing really worked well.

The poor guy sweats all the time and it smells so bad when it is removed. It smells like a gym bag?.. He has to wear it throughout the summer but it can be taken off to go swimming and of course baths.

Our little family of four headed to our new yearly destination- Disney! I don’t know why me and Adam love this place so much, but we are just happy being there!

Ok, so we go at the end of August which is off season so we get cheaper tickets but this time the weather was too much to bare for me in the condition I was in. Sometimes I forget that my body suffered so much and then when I try and do things like walk in amusement parks all day in HUMID weather, I was a little exhausted. We loved our trip so much last year, we decided to take a 7 day trip there this time around. What a mistake. 7 days of parks! So, now we decided 7 days is fine as long as a few of those days are spent relaxing next to a pool.

Evan was too young to enjoy it but he liked some of the things that had bright lights and sounds. But he’s a baby- he slept through most of it! Dylan on the other hand loves it! We didn’t do animal kingdom this time because of the humidy and there are not very many places in that park to duck into for air conditioning.

But, again we had a very good time overall and can’t wait for the next trip!

After a few months we began to notice a flat spot on Evan’s head so I went into pediatricians office to have it looked at and everyone kept telling me it was normal. I would call often to say that the flat spot is still there, they would reassure me that I should just keep him off that side and it would be fine. I rolled towels to try and prop him off that side, but he would just roll over it. Nothing seemed to be working. finally, we decided to tell the doctor to just make a recommendation for a specialist. Once the specialist reviewed she said that most likely it will go back to normal but he was getting to that age where nothing will help much. We had asked her to make a recommendation to get fitted for a cranial band. We didn’t want to take the chance of him growing up with a flat spot! A cranial band looks like a helmet and most people are reluctant to fo this because it looks very medical. We went into the procedure knowing that it had to be done.

Once he was fitted for the band, the specialist really saw how flat the spot actually was. It was difficult to see under the curly blonde locks of hair! We think the flat spot started when he was in the hospital hanging out waiting for me to get better. The burses paid a lot of attention to him, but if a baby is in there long enough, he could develop a flat spot because they are not held as much and are always on their backs.

So, now Evan has his hat. He is stared at all the time when we go out. I expected this but it’s difficult. We tried putting stickers on it to make it less medical but nothing really worked well.

The poor guy sweats all the time and it smells so bad when it is removed. It smells like a gym bag?.. He has to wear it throughout the summer but it can be taken off to go swimming and of course baths.

A recent family picture taken while watching the Mets beat the Phillys!

I have continued to work on my baby clothing line, Bubele. I worked on redesigning some of the items including the Bubele bib, bodysuits, and the Bubele wrap. I must have gone through several revisions of the bib before I figured out what would work best. The bib was patented first and then I patented a feature that attaches to bodysuits.

The factory that I work closely with in India has been great in helping me develop my line. They have been working hard to make sure I have what I need to launch.

I still draw my inspiration from my ?death experience.? Colors seemed so rich to me when I returned home and I saw things in a very simple way. At first, I was stripped of a lot of memories and ways of doing things and thought of things in very simple terms. I was in such awe that I was alive seeing these rich colors and sweet smells of my new baby and active toddler that it was when I decided that life overall needs to be this simple.

I decided I wanted to share my experience, my story with anyone who would listen and I wanted to get onto the Ellen Degeneres Show in the worst way! I watched the show since it started and I absolutely love her sense of humor and her compassion for people. I thought she would appreciate my story. Unfortunately it is much harder to get through to a celebrity than one thinks?.. I don’t know, I guess I never thought of celebrities’ of unreachable. Funny, I know. They are just people to me. But damn! I have tried every email address and link I could on her site to try to get someone to read my email, but I either 1. failed at getting my message through or 2. got my message through and no one was moved by it as much as I thought they would be. I think Ellen would appreciate my story and maybe the assistants reading it should all get fired!

My first creation, the Bubele Bib was put on the back burner for quite awhile and I was starting to get sick at looking all the work I had put into it without seeing much results. I had to redesign it several times. The bib has an attached neck roll that I patented. It is used to protect baby’s skin from moisture while eating (or drinking). The neck roll part of the design was not turning out right but my other creation the ?Mix and Match Collection? was turning out quite well. The factory that I have been working with for the past year had done such a nice job with the clothing. They put together a very nice collection for me to be able to use as ?salesman samples.? My sister in law saw my design for the clothing and she said I should create something that would allow parents the ability to attach the pacifier clips to clothing easily. Usually if a baby is just wearing a bodysuit there is no where to attach it. I thought ?why stop at pacifier clip?? Why not have a feature of the clothing that enables you to attach links or small toys and lovies?. so I created the Bubele Loop and patented that design. I wanted it to be as simple as possible so its just a loop sewn into the seam of my baby clothing and accessories. I had the factory revise my clothing to add the loop.

I had one whole collection manufactured so I could show off the products. My first collection is called ?Dots and Stripes.? Simple. Mix and match. Layer, take a piece off, you get the idea?.

But I still had other collection I wish I could manufacture, so the factory suggested I have large printed swatches made up which I think will work quite well.

I am also working on the website. It always easier to do others? designs and sites. But I know better than anyone that I just have to stick with my instincts and keep it simple and clean?..

Back to this darn neck roll on my bib design. Another factory I have working with for quite some time was working on other orders for me and have found a material that would have the same feel I needed for the neck roll. I originally had cotton chenille to give the bib a plush look and make it really soft, but chenille is horrible in the wash and although it looked great, the function of it wasn’t great and it needed to be easier to clean. But the feel of this new fabric is lighter, stretchier, softer than chenille and it can be washed in a regular wash without getting ruined! And a sample was made by this factory for me to test. Since they already had the fabric for the neck rolls and my sewing ability is limited, I sent them my fabrics I wanted to use for the main bib and they are going to attach the neck rolls and FINALLY I will have my first creation completed. I didn’t expect this product to be the last but it was.

OK, so I have my bibs finalized, my clothing on its way, now all I need to do is sell?..

Ellen- seriously, call me  I will fly myself out and give your audience free stuff!

I need help in this area. I can design, I can cut and sew, I can arrange productions, I can build a catalogue and put together marketing material, but I am working with a 0 budget here. I thought it was a good idea to see how far I could with this project by relying on my contacts and people that have come to know me and want to see this project go further?. but now it’s getting scary! Before I was just sewing stuff for my kids and enjoying designing new products but to have someone else look at them and criticize them is going to be hard! Will they sell? Am I crazy?

It has now been a year since Evan was born, since I died and came back. It is still very surreal!

It’s amazing that Evan is 1 and is completely healthy! He still has to wear his ?helmet? but the shape of his head is so much better than expected! He is hitting all the milestones and not much to worry about it seems like.

He had his first b-day party and my family came, Adam’s parents came from Florida, and my sis-in-law and niece (also 1) came from Virginia. It was hectic, but it was nice to have the babes together! I typically don’t like to have too many people gathered in one spot, I would rather just be relaxed with a few people around. Not to mention our house is tiny!

But, Evan had a good time, he stuffed his face with cake, literally! (We don’t typically let our kids eat like this but this was a special occasion, and I don’t think he got much in his mouth!)

I didn’t post in May because may is a hard month for me. May is when I lost Anthony. May was always for grieving. But now May is also a time for celebrating life! To say the least, it’s an emotional roller coaster ride!

After what I have survived throughout my life, I am in a comfortable enough place now to say I know how strong of a women I am. How can I not think that?

And now what?! OK, I guess I know what to do, it’s just having enough time to do it!

I have started making phone calls and creating catalogues and I also put everything online for sale that I currently have in stock. A customer of mine from my other business suggested that I hire commission based sales people. Ummmm? why didn’t I think of that?

So, if I can find the right sales people it will take a load of my plate! I am not a sales person, never was. Adam is the one who can sell. But have him sell baby clothes?

I also found some great little blogs online that I will start to advertise with and I also found a network for mompreneurs that does advertising for you. I think that is expensive though!

Here is a picture of Evan modeling one of my bodysuits with the patented loop(and the rest of the matching set of course):